you're the best i ever had
so i've never wanted a guy this much before, but i sure the fuck want Rodrigo. I thought I was over it, but I want him more than ever. He's like the mean guy who is dissing me, yet I want him. WTF i hate this feeling.

Not sure how much I wrote about him, but here's the recap. In March I had a one night stand with this hot mexican guy who is a friend of a friend. i met him at a party and i pushed him in a pool and well that eventually led to me having the best night of hot mexican love making that i've ever had. so then we met up the next week because he ended up having my glasses which i though i lost. so we hooked up again. then there were finals and summer and he went back to mexico so i didn't get to see him, but we messaged each other via facebook all summer. So then he comes back for the fall semester and doesn't talk to me. WTF. No calls, no texts, no facebook messages. I texted him once and got no reply, which afterwards I vowed to not attempt to contact him again.

So... I went on a date last night with this really sweet Chilean guy, named Alvaro, who I met at the house party this weekend. The night of the party was pretty skanky, like he slept over and everything. We didn't actually do it though, because I didn't just want to have another one night stand. So then we had a date last night, which was my first ever formal date (it only took 23 fucking years!) and again we didn't do it, but messed around.

On the drive home all i could think about is how i missed Rodrigo, so I messaged him on fb. He replied, then i replied back asking him to hang out this weekend... still waiting for a reply.

I dunno it's kinda lame, because i think at this point i know more about Alvaro than I do about Rodrigo, yet I would do Rodrigo in a heartbeat while I'm just kinda dragging this other guy along. I don't know what's wrong with me.

I think that it's just that I waited all summer for this stupid boy only to be sort of rejected. And well, he's the best I ever had. Fuck this, it's not fair.





oh yeah and i made out with Nathan, the cowboy, at the house party too! Conquered, next...