Val

I guess I need some sort of rebound...

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 19:36:57 GMT

I just ran in to Rodrigo. I was heading to the post office and I saw him on the way. We did this awkward look at each other and then I said "hi" while he just kinda smiled coyly. We didn't even stop to talk. Awkward. It was odd that I saw him too because just yesterday I was going through facebook and noticed that he no longer had a profile and i was like "noooooooo how else am I going to know he's alive?"

So I'm attempting to contact Alvaro (who I haven't seen in 2 weeks because he's really busy) just to feel better about myself.

I hate this. I wish I had some sort of purpose in my life so I wouldn't feel this stupid need to be liked by dumb guys. I wish there was something I was doing with my life that had any sort of meaning, but no I'm boring and rotting here. Last year around this time I was afraid that this very thing was going to happen, and it has. I mean not the whole men situation, but this lack of purpose.

pathetic

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 06:25:21 GMT

So Saturday night was a complete failure. Drunky McDrunkDrunk didn't sleep in the arms of any boy and most likely succeeded at scaring Hotrigo away forever. Texting went like this:

6:49pm I'm going to my friend's bday dinner, but do you want to hang out later tonight?
6:51pm I think we're going to my friend's apt to hang out there.
6:59pm Well let me know if you want to meet up later.

AFTER SOME ALCOHOL

11:47pm Are you still at your friend's place?
12:01am Yeah we are watching a movie.
12:02am Oh. Do you wanna come over to my place after the movie?

IGNORED

I'm not smooth at all... can someone please give me lessons?

I should just give up huh? Typing this out makes me realize how uninterested he sounds. So I feel totally lame because I sounded so desperate and Hyunji says to just message him again telling him I was drunk and move on to the next subject like nothing happened, but I'm kinda sad about being ignored/rejected. What do you think?

Hotrigo and Back-up Boy

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 00:10:44 GMT

Nigel says that should be the name of this chapter of my sexual adventures book.

Looks like I'll be between them tonight. Playa be playin' except I don't really know what to do because I'm not that smooth. All I know is that I want Hotrigo, meaning even if I'm doing the other guy tonight I'll still be thinking about Hotrigo. I hate the hold this guy has on me.

I'm gonna call this now and say that Rodrigo flakes out while I spend all night strategically avoiding the other guy until i get sad about being rejected and then finally call Alvaro.

and uh.... i think i hear Nathan's truck outside.

you're the best i ever had

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 06:55:50 GMT

so i've never wanted a guy this much before, but i sure the fuck want Rodrigo. I thought I was over it, but I want him more than ever. He's like the mean guy who is dissing me, yet I want him. WTF i hate this feeling.

Not sure how much I wrote about him, but here's the recap. In March I had a one night stand with this hot mexican guy who is a friend of a friend. i met him at a party and i pushed him in a pool and well that eventually led to me having the best night of hot mexican love making that i've ever had. so then we met up the next week because he ended up having my glasses which i though i lost. so we hooked up again. then there were finals and summer and he went back to mexico so i didn't get to see him, but we messaged each other via facebook all summer. So then he comes back for the fall semester and doesn't talk to me. WTF. No calls, no texts, no facebook messages. I texted him once and got no reply, which afterwards I vowed to not attempt to contact him again.

So... I went on a date last night with this really sweet Chilean guy, named Alvaro, who I met at the house party this weekend. The night of the party was pretty skanky, like he slept over and everything. We didn't actually do it though, because I didn't just want to have another one night stand. So then we had a date last night, which was my first ever formal date (it only took 23 fucking years!) and again we didn't do it, but messed around.

On the drive home all i could think about is how i missed Rodrigo, so I messaged him on fb. He replied, then i replied back asking him to hang out this weekend... still waiting for a reply.

I dunno it's kinda lame, because i think at this point i know more about Alvaro than I do about Rodrigo, yet I would do Rodrigo in a heartbeat while I'm just kinda dragging this other guy along. I don't know what's wrong with me.

I think that it's just that I waited all summer for this stupid boy only to be sort of rejected. And well, he's the best I ever had. Fuck this, it's not fair.

oh yeah and i made out with Nathan, the cowboy, at the house party too! Conquered, next...

a few things

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 07:30:56 GMT

-april has a myspace account now. she's such an odd kid. it's like she's trying to hard to be... idk weird. anyway now i have to filter my myspace. it's not fair.

-usama called me "lonely" the other day because i texted someone and then regretted it. that makes 2 people in the past month that have called me lonely. i don't think i'm more lonely than usual- i mean i was an only child for 10 years so loneliness doesn't really bother me. idk i might be a little lonely, but i'm also not desperate.

-DC and NYC were awesome. i loved nyc, but it's just so damn big. it's really an amazing place though. i wish i could've spent more time there. i also wish i had had more spending money. DC is very impressive. I think it's the most American city in US with the most foreign tourists.

let's do this

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 07:10:31 GMT

I'm blogging from DC. I just got here a few hours ago and it's night time so I haven't really seen all that much. I did go eat at this place called Ben's Chilli Bowl, it was pretty good. It reminded me of drunk-and-it's-2-am kind of food.

I'm trying to figure this city out so i can go exploring tomorrow. Metro rail, metro bus, the mall, bikes, yikes... I'll let ya'll know if I see Obama.

Kishore lives with Colin now, we had a brief "friendship" before he moved to DC, and by "friendship" i mean i resisted having a crush on him. He's a cute, nerdy, flirtatious Jew boy. And I like all of those things except the flirtatious part which would drive me nuts and is also the reason why i resisted having a crush on him. Anyway he's cute and I hope I can withstand him.

i guess i just get lonely at night

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 07:44:17 GMT

when i was moving i found some old cds. i found some that a particular guy made me, but i never listened to. it's pretty good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kM0mjukDGRw
i'm such a dumb girl. i really am. i don't think i'm capable of being loved, i'm just too independent. even if someone loved me enough to marry me i'd probably fight them off and i don't even know why. i think it's the free spirit in me.

nathan is drunk and lost somewhere right now but i can't really figure out what the fuck he's saying. i hope he's ok.

Nathan

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 06:58:55 GMT

So I thought my current "type" of guy was foreign guys, but then I met Nathan. He's a real cowboy from New Mexico. He competes in rodeos and shoes horses for a living. Anyway I'm falling for him. He's living in Austin now because he thinks it's important to know what it's like to live in the city. <3 <3 <3

I admire him completely, he's not like any person I've ever met. He's true to himself while still being open to everything Texas has to offer. He's not really all that good looking, but I think I'm falling for the "idea" of him. I love his go-getter personality and so far he doesn't seem to be a douche bag. His eyes are this weird shade of brown, like almost an amber/honey color and I don't know anyone with eyes that color except my dad.

He holds amazing conversations too. Geez this entry is just getting lamer and lamer. Bottom line... I think I really like this guy.

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 06:52:32 GMT

'Now I must wait for her reply.'
'Yeah. Then enjoy your pain. Take advantage of it now while you are young. And suffer, my son, suffer all you can, because these things don't last your whole life.'
'May she answer soon?'
'She won't.'

Story of my life. I'm done with Rodrigo.

However there is now Nathan, the cowboy.

Sophie's mom once said 'The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.'

blogging from mexico

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 12:33:21 GMT

the letters on the keyboard are in a different place here, it´s confusing me

i´m in Puerto Vallarta right now. The first day I arrived i was in culture shock for a few hours, but i think i´m ok now. I went to this beautiful and remote beach yesterday which we could only take the water taxi to get to. Then we got to this place called Yelapa where there was a waterfall and jungle like trees. It was a 30 min hike up to the waterfall (or you could ride the donkey up the hill)and it was humid as hell, but we swam in the ocean when we came back. I might go back there before i leave.

today i´m going to guadalajara. i´m gonna go see las chivas play a game on saturday night! they´re apparently the number 2 best soccer team in mexico. i´m pretty excited. also on the list of things to do/see: mariachi bands, ballet foklorico, musems, etc...

i know you´re not supposed to drink the water here, but what about the ice? they purify restuarant water don´t they?

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 07:44:12 GMT

So as it turns out, I'm going to Mexico in about a week! I'm going to Puerto Vallarta and either Guadalajara or Mazatlan. I can't wait! I told my parents too. I let them know about Mexico, but I don't think I'm going to tell them about DC/NY cuz they'll flip their shit and tell me I'm spending too much money, which I totally am but I've got it all under control.

I went to New Orleans this past weekend and it was amazing! I think I gained 10 pounds from eating all the food there. Cajun food is officially my favorite type of food. Bourbon St was trashy. It's like a dirtier 6th St because people can drink out in the street as long as they're using plastic containers. They also have cabarets all over that street that after a while are just offensive. The rest of the city is beautiful though, it's very southern. The people are different, they're very brash but they have that sense of southern hospitality.

I'm miss my French boys :( I was talking to Bastien today, and I missed him and Thomas. Thibaud and Pierre didn't fill my French boy void this summer. Rodrigo is supposed to be back, but I've yet to receive a call or text of any sort, and I've kinda lost his number since I switched phones. Doh!

Laughing in the face of danger

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 06:54:16 GMT

So I'm still thinking about taking trips.

I'm going to New Orleans this weekend with Mel, Deedee, and Karla for the convention. We have an itinerary...BORING. We're supposed to be talking about crap from 9am-6pm. Are you kidding me??? That's as exciting as going to work. I'm going to try to escape. I'm mean what can they really do to me? There's just so much to see and so little time.

Then I'm going to D.C. and New York the first week in Sept. I already bought my plane tickets! It's gonna be a friend reunion with Kishore, Farah, and I. Nathan is coming too, so I'm gonna be third wheeling it a little bit. I wanna go to the the Met in NY but I don't think the season starts until the week after I'll be there. I'm gonna look into Broadway instead. Or maybe some late night tv show like conan or snl, are there any other good shows that air from NY?

Weibke and I were talking about Mexico too. She wants to go in about 3 weeks. It's feasible, but I'd really be pushing it. I REALLY wanna go though. I wanted to go to MX all summer.

I'm wondering if i should tell my parents about these trips. They know I'm going to New Orleans this weekend, but they don't know about D.C./NY yet. And if I went to MX, didn't tell them, and somehow got kidnapped by drug lords I'd be screwed. Then again that would probably be pretty awesome, you know... if i lived.

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 19:18:35 GMT

trying to figure out what career you want at 23 is hard. especially when everyone is asking you what you're gonna do with yourself, ok maybe it's fine occasionally to start conversation, but when you get asked all the time it's pretty annoying. It's also annoying to have your parents tell you to get a real job. leave me alone, i'll figure it out.

yay arcade fire

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 06:14:57 GMT

it took me a while to realize it was them in this trailer. the animals remind me of something else I've seen, but i can't put my finger on it. maybe labyrinth or neverending story?

http://movies.apple.com/movies/wb/wherethewildthingsare/wherethewildthingsare-tlr1_480p.mov

and apparently this little boy is brilliant.

Yo soy un hombre sincero, de donde crece la palma

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 09:26:09 GMT

esto es algo que nunca sabía pero esta noche pensaba que yo deber amar Julio. Nunca pensaba de esta idea, pero él eso como el hombre ideal. él es brasileño, guapo (excepto su cejijunto- hee hee), culto, tiene un cabeza muy fuerte, y un cuerpo bueno. Si yo casaría con él, puedo viajar a brasil todo el tiempo. Ojalá que no estoy tonta cuando él esta cerca de mí.

Penso que voy a casar con un hombre que no es estadounidense, Debo estudiar en otra país con hombres muy guapos.

Ya. El fin.

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 06:13:43 GMT

ok i sucked it up. i'm gonna stop being a pussy now.

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 05:10:49 GMT

all my life i've tried to better myself so that I wouldn't have to do things the way my parents did, which isn't bad, but they just work too hard for achieving nothing. well, as it turns out, i'm just like them. all this work and i have nothing to show for myself. in fact, it's even worse than that. at least they have each other, i have no one. i don't know how to get out of this. i had so many dreams and now there's nothing. i hate just sitting here, but i don't know what else to do. what do i do? SOMEONE HELP ME!!!

is there some way i could just start all over again? maybe somewhere else? how do i fix this?

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 04:20:49 GMT

just ate some strawberry cake icing yum yum.

so my 4th of july celebrations were pretty fun. i went to the lake the night before. we went to the nude beach part of the lake. It wasn't as fun as i thought it would be. I mean i had fun cuz i love the lake, but there were so many old people there. Some weird aztec looking mexican guys were follow us too. They were probably pervs and waiting for Smitha, Weibke, and I to get nakes but none of us actually did. They left after a while, probably cuz they realized we weren't taking our bathing suits off. The boys got naked though. Nigel has a huge one. His ego makes sense now. Still don't want to do him.

i had to work the night of the 4th, but Jared brought in some vodka and we secretly got buzzed on the clock. i love jared. i still don't think we'll go anywhere though.

i have my french final tomorrow. i'm not sure i learned much. i'll make a good grade, but if you dropped me off in France I wouldn't be able to talk or understand most things.

transience

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 03:08:34 GMT

Jared made me completely and horribly upset today by going on a date with Kristen. I knew it was coming but i was just kinda putting it out of my mind. I told Diana about their date and she was like "WHAT!?!?! he's smarter than that." He doesn't even know I like him yet. He got my phone number the other day and it was really adorable the way he was kinda shy about it. Then he sends needy texts like when i wanted him to bring me ice cream and he was like "is that all you need me for?"

i want.

i had the chance to make out with him in the elevator the other day, but i blew it because i wasn't thinking make out. I was thinking "what do i say?" because i always say the dumbest shit around the guys i like

US lost to Brazil just like they should have. I still can't believe the US beat the undefeated Spain. I was rooting for Cesc <3

nowhere, yeah we're going nowhere fast

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 05:06:22 GMT

j'ai besoin d'étudie pour mon cours de français mais je suis très drunk... merde

haven't written much lately because nothing much has happened

i have a crush on jared. at least i think i do. i think about him a lot. i haven't seen him in 3 days. saaaaaaaad.

i'm drunk thanks to free fader bacardi drinks

i might be going to méxico in a few weeks.

thinking about going back to school

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 18:41:12 GMT

Helen Fisher says romantic love is a drive, not an emotion or feeling. By this definition I've been in love each time I thought I wasn't...shit.

For anyone who's ever been in love: http://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_tells_us_why_we_love_cheat.html

vag tease/ sexual tension part II

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Mon, 25 May 2009 07:29:40 GMT

So I'm not a failure and Rodrigo called me last Tuesday. We tried to meet up and hang out but a series of events happened and we never got to meet up. Apparently he almost got into a fight and had to go home from the bar that night. Then a few days later he texts me at 3am, which means booty call right? So I call him and he doesn't answer or text back. vag tease. ughhhhhhhh. Now he messages me on fb saying he's back in Monterrey but misses me. what the crap? i've never been teased so much. i don't even know if he's gonna be there all summer. he better not cuz i can't wait that long.

Scotty is back from Lubbock for the summer. For some reason he's acting like he's always acted around me which was different from this past winter where he was awkward. This time around I act awkward and he seems to be acting normal. Maybe I shouldn't have done him.

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Sun, 17 May 2009 20:28:01 GMT

i feel like a loser because I'm really excited for Tuesday. What happens on Tues? Finals are over, which means maybe Rodrigo will talk to me. I feel so stupid because i'm pretty sure he won't call. Its like i've become that dumb girl who's obsessed with a boy that wants nothing to do with her. While I understand that he has 5 finals and is busy I don't think I'll ever talk to him again. I texted and messaged him, but there's been nothing made out of it. I always kind of had that hint of sexuality to my messages too, like I just wanted to hook up and in the end not even that elicited a response. I failed at making a guy want to have sex with me. Could I be even more of a failure?!? I thought i was good at that. I thought i was good at making guys want to have sex with me, not to have a genuine, real relationship (cuz that's too much to ask for) but they were always up for some sex. Now I've failed at that too.

Are there any other ways to be jaded in love? Because if there are I'm pretty sure I'd be good at those too. how could i suck this much? honestly. Every time I get a text I hope it's from him, every time my email box loads I hope he's sent something, and every time I check these there's nothing.

how do you just make love with someone and never talk to them again???

sexual tension

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Sat, 16 May 2009 07:27:21 GMT

with Thibaud is unbearable. O.M.G.

So this new French guy moved into the house about 2 weeks ago. Get this, he moved to Austin for the summer so that he could hang out with his girlfriend who has lived in austin for about 6 months. She's kinda awkward and possessive, but once you befriend her she's pretty cool. He's rooming with Ana (yeah a girl), whom he was friends with before but they're probably not more than that. So you would think he really cares for his gf bc he moved here for her after all. He genuinely seems like he does, but he's such a flirt. He pretty much melts all the girls' hearts in the house. We all want him. Like when his gf isnt around we all adore him. It's quite pathetic. Like none of us want to be a homewrecker, but holy shit is it hard to hold back from his sex vibes. Like today, he made me feed him a quesadilla, and of course I did like a whore would. But i'm not really a whore, I just act like one.

I've had a thing for french guys ever since Thomas and Bastien. It's like the accent, mixed with the sharp wit, mixed with the sarcasm. Of course they are all very charming and I'm sooooo fucking hooked. I told Thibaud about my menage a trois with Thomas and Bastien and he thanked me for "showing the french people what america is really like." Maybe i went to far, but now i think he has this idea about my fetish for french men.

Let's just say it's going to be an interesting summer, especially since I'm taking french classes and he's promised to help me.

This is him with Ana. Not that great of a picture, but I'll post more as I get some.

sometimes we rock and roll, sometimes we stay home and it's just fine

yourmomis@hotmail.com — Wed, 13 May 2009 07:24:55 GMT

this heart's on fire.

spent upwards of $700 yesterday between tuition and a passport. i'm doing pretty good though. i need to save a bit more money.

didn't do shit at work today. internet surfed. looked up jobs. i've realized that i'm scared to work in a city that i don't think is interesting. like a saw a potentially good job, but it was in some boring town in Ohio and i immediately said fuck that. it's either L.A., NY, DC, San Fran, New Orleans, anywhere near a beach, anywhere in California and maybe Florida. Otherwise I'm not leaving Austin. I think I'd also be fine with leaving the country to work anywhere. I don't know why I'm scared about boring US towns though, I think Uvalde has scarred me.

i need to go to bed or i'm not gonna wake up in time for work. night.